Oh.

I realized today I think three guys from India are good looking.C: I think one guy from Mexico is good looking that I currently talk to. One guy from here is good looking, here is Minnesota. One guy from Ukraine I am not sure, but I kind of like. So I suppose mainly, I am attracted to foreign guys?

Moving Out

I really want to move out of my moms house and start to drive, but my mother keeps trying to run my life and tell me what to do, to the point where I do not know if I can do anything without her running it but I am starting to realize that I need to start telling her to back the heck off. I need to live my own life, she cannot keep running the things in my life and she needs to let me be. Stop scheduling things I do not want to go to, let me decide what to do. Right now I cannot handle a job because my classes are too hard, yet she keeps pushing and theres no money, were broke I guess. I miss the organic grocery stores we used to frequent but she says we cannot afford it. Today I ate a few cookies then threw up, I forced myself to throw up and I felt better. I am unable to eat much and she keeps emotionally abusing me to the point where I feel I have to do certain things. She is driving my car but last night I pushed her out of my mind. I need to constantly tell her to back the heck out. Shes such a bully.

Trust

I do not feel like I can trust anyone. I feel like being an atheist, then I have a real reason not to go with my mom to the church where people do not care. Nobody from the church contacted me about how I am, or cared to invite me out after my friend died, they did not even contact me about praying for her. I feel like this whole good image thing from the church I attended was a lie. I am not willing to be around even more fakers than already exist in the real world, if I want to meet fakers, I will meet them out there in the real world and learn from their disrespect. My mother is pushing me to be atheist by trying to run my life.

"Never let go of hope. Someday you will see that it all has finally come together. What you have always wished for has finally come to be. You will look back and laugh at what has passed and you will ask yourself, "How did I get through all of that?" I know it may hurt, but if you give up now, you may be missing something greater than you could ever have imagined, and no one wants to miss something that will change their life forever. Just keep holding on, and you can bet it’ll get better. Turn you dreams into wishes, your wishes into goals, your goals into reality, and your dreams will come true."

Morning!

I weight less than I thought.C: Well one pound less... So working on losing, until I am in the double instead of the triple digits. As in 99 rather than 120. This mornings good though, I woke up early, not sure what I want to eat? Maybe a salad!

The Friends We Don't Have

Goals October 24-30

Goal Number One: Lose one pound, weigh less than you weight on Sunday, by Sunday the 30th of October.
Goal Number Two: Study more. At least one hour a day for Biology and Logic.
Goal Number Three: Avoid Andrey, let him be the one to approach you.
Goal Number Four: Don't text, message, like peoples posts, do not communicate with others.
Goal Number Five: Exersize daily, at least two hours a day.
Goal Number Six: Eat healthy, no junk food, vegan diet.
Goal Number Seven: No Facebook or IMVU.
Goal Number Eight: Plan out the week.
Goal Number Nine: Keep up with writing in this blog.